im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
