last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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