Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
