Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
