Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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