apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
