I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
