I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
