is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
