I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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