no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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