Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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