i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
