if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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