I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
