Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
