I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
