In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
