you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
