He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
