I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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