Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.

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(720): I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare. http://tfl.nu/5d0o

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(334): View more from Alabama

He had some BAD nuttage

(334): View more from Alabama

Nuttage?

(334): View more from Alabama

It's like cleavage......... but different

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(334): He had some BAD nuttage (334): Nuttage? (334): It's like cleavage......... but different http://tfl.nu/35mx

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(205): View more from Alabama

One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.

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(205): One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum. http://tfl.nu/g2t8

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(630): View more from Illinois

dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.

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(630): dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead. http://tfl.nu/dy9t

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(337): View more from Louisiana

My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.

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(337): My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night. http://tfl.nu/n564

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(661): View more from California

He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

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(661): He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ay3j

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(818): View more from California

Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.

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(818): Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on. http://tfl.nu/cwci

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(516): View more from New York

That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.

(1-516): View more from New York

yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.

(516): View more from New York

Do you have to put it that way?

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(516): That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him. (1-516): yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him. (516): Do you have to put it that way? http://tfl.nu/hbgy

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(925): View more from California

Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed

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(925): Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed http://tfl.nu/cgjz

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(727): View more from Florida

Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.

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(727): Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome. http://tfl.nu/3ucr

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out

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(603): they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out http://tfl.nu/559d

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(248): View more from Michigan

How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?

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(248): How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break? http://tfl.nu/c6en

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(757): View more from Virginia

It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.

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(757): It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets. http://tfl.nu/9hch

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(309): View more from Illinois

He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?

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(309): He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned? http://tfl.nu/05n3

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(913): View more from Kansas

If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.

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(913): If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on. http://tfl.nu/4zva

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