He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
