Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
