Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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