No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
