btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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