He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
