There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
