considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
