Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
