I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
