Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
