I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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