it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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