I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
