best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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