Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize