My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
