I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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