No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
