If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she peed on how many people?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize