My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
