there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just had sex on a roof
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
