sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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