she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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