Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
