yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
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I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
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there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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