OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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