Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
