Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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