I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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