I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
