And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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