I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
