i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
