I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
