My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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