I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
