Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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