if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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