i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
