i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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