my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize