he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
