I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
