if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
