No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
