i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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