the day after is always just damage control
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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