Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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