I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
