It's Friday. Sex?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
