I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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