Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
